Part I: Approval
I have been claiming for months that I am going to start a blog to chronicle my move across the country, the things I will do here before I leave, the preparations, the travel, and then the continuing new life I will lead in Oregon. Until today all of that has seemed to be a hazy potential future.
Today Darla and I were approved for the apartment we’ve had our eyes on for months. It is just a run-of-the-mill apartment, but it meets the important criteria for us: close to her school, affordable, separate bathrooms, a dishwasher, a fitness center and it even has a washer and dryer in the unit. Unfortunately, the timing didn’t work out perfectly and I must move in a month earlier than I planned and I will be moving without Darla, who will join me a month later.
I will only be living in my current house eight more days. Then I will move in with my grandfather for a month before I leave for Oregon. I have less than six weeks before I say goodbye to my home state, to the place I’ve lived my entire life. I have my family, my favorite places, my sense of belonging, and I will be giving it up to step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.
9:39 pm • 15 May 2013
I’ve rearranged my room again in the process of decluttering. I managed to do away with an entire 4x4 Expedit shelving unit. I’m quite proud of the way things look now. I feel that I’ve finally embraced my personal style instead of trying to make my things fit into a preordained image of what a good style is.
10:16 pm • 24 March 2013 • 5 notes
Saturday night blog: I am rewatching Dollhouse & making pop art with iPhone apps.
1:59 am • 10 February 2013
when it settles in
Sometimes when I am weary I feel ready to be settled. I long for my own Victorian home & my Chesterfield sofa, china cabinets full of books and a sense of permanence. I wish to give up the struggle and find myself safely on the other side. When I am weary I feel ready to be bound to the earth by my possessions, by my life, and by my death.
2:07 pm • 31 January 2013
Why I Must Not Believe in String
Yesterday I thought about time & distance as threads & for some reason it really freaked me out. I could picture my thread of time & another thread of space and distance (or are they the same?) I was traveling on my threads towards the threads of my family members. I could see time and distance’s parallel threads joining with my family’s threads (not joining perhaps, because aren’t we all always alone? Nearing their threads, at any count) Somehow the idea of the threads seemed like predestination, as if every moment of my life was leading to this moment & then the next. One stitch goes to the next stitch & I am not the hand that sews, I am only the thread. What option, what control does the thread have? If this is my life represented in string theories what chance do I have to change the pattern I am creating?
2:35 pm • 21 January 2013
the chapter of the cure
I am glad I decided to at least half-heartedly engage in Apartment Therapy’s January Cure. I have replaced a few days of projects with extra decluttering & I am stupefied by how much stuff I own. My outbox is already overflowing.
Today I tackled one of the projects I set at the beginning of the month: clearing out my dining room. It had become a bit of a catchall with boxes of holiday decor, old journals, dog toys & unused glassware lying about. Now it is an organized, clean place to sit and use my laptop or fold laundry or eat dinner. Having this extra functional space has already made me feel better about my house.
There is so much more to be done, but considering the magnitude of the task, I am glad I started now. Every time I clear another area, every time I downsize my possessions I am reminded of the new chapter I will be starting this June. The act of clearing out objects is helping me achieve a less cluttered mindset as well.
5:42 pm • 19 January 2013 • 2 notes
P.S. to The Desolation of Manning
I still love and support my team, and that includes Peyton Manning. This season was so much better than almost anyone expected it to be, and there is a lot to be proud of. I have to quote my brother here, “If anyone wants to talk shit about the Broncos, make sure your team is still in the playoffs before you open your mouth.”
10:42 pm • 12 January 2013 • 5 notes
The Desolation of Manning
I don’t understand how the Broncos lost to the Ravens. Until a few minutes into overtime I never doubted that the Broncos were going to win. I was disappointed in their performance, but never doubted that they would pull out the win. After sobbing for fifteen minutes, I began to review the game in my head. As I did so, I became increasingly angry, and a lot of that anger was directed at Peyton Manning. I’m not saying the loss was his fault. There were dropped passes all over the field. The defense was dismal. (What was Champ Bailey doing covering Torrey Smith? Smith is too fast for Bailey. Even after Smith burned him three, four, five times, the coverage was not adjusted.)
But, Peyton Manning is a veteran quarterback, one of the greats. Still, he threw an interception in his own territory in overtime, running away from a sack. THROW THE BALL OUT OF BOUNDS! That interception set up the Ravens for the win. Manning has never been great in the post-season. It’s something most people acknowledged, but he had a great defense and a solid run game to bolster him this time around. Well, somehow that defense fell apart.
It was a crazy dream for Peyton Manning to return from multiple neck surgeries & lead his team into the playoffs & then onto the Super Bowl. Somehow that crazy dream seemed to be coming true. For week after week the team improved and the wins began piling up. Home field advantage fell into the Broncos’ laps. The dream didn’t seem crazy anymore; it seemed nearly guaranteed. I was ready to watch my team hoist the Lombardi trophy. Like Von Miller, I had dreams of confetti. It may have been a crazy dream, but it was a dream I believed in.
It’s not Manning’s fault. Honestly, the defense is probably more to blame than he is, but Manning has reaped the credit and praise all season for turning this team around. Now, he’ll have to bear the brunt of the disappointing end to the season as well.
10:10 pm • 12 January 2013 • 3 notes
“Pulling a Kaitlin” is being home by 10:30 on a Saturday, cuddling with your dog & watching the NFL playoffs.
10:47 pm • 5 January 2013 • 2 notes
In 2013 I will:
- Lose weight
- Read >25 books
- Be financially responsible
- Finally get that HP tattoo
- Let go of unnecessary possessions
- Be a better friend (don’t flake, keep in touch)
- Spend quality time with Winston (walking, playing)
- Avoid using plastic grocery bags whenever possible
5:51 pm • 4 January 2013 • 1 note